Home: Rhonda at
Because Mom Said So

Tuesday, March 31, 2009, by Leigh Anne & Sherra

We will be interviewing women who inspire us, encourage us and renew our spirits. Women from diverse backgrounds…women just like you…women very different from you…women who share and teach so we can all learn something new. Their words may be just what you need to read today…

Leigh Anne and Sherra say…

Rhonda has been making us laugh since last year when we discovered her blog, Because Mom Said So and have been reading it ever since.

First, a few personal fun facts and questions…

Born and raised in Arizona, where I met and married to my sweetheart Peter for 26 years. We are the parents to five children and two son in laws. Our two older daughters, Katherine and Rachel are married and living in Utah. Their husbands Kai and Dustin respectively, joined our family last year. Our third daughter, Annelise is a freshman at BYU in Idaho and our youngest son, Elijah, is 10 years old next month.

We have lived in Arizona, Colorado and Connecticut. My husband Peter has worked with IBM in all those years. While I did graduate from University of Arizona with a BS in Business, I have been a stay-at-home mom actively involved in my community, PTO, my church, and for the last year, planning “cross-nation” weddings for my two oldest daughters. I love writing, traveling, reading, (I am an avid reader of all things historical) and truly have a passion for people.

We are in between stages of parenting. With children married, attending college, high school, and elementary school, we have a a lot of parenting years under our belt. AND…we are still finding new and innovative ways to drive them all crazy.

Favorite color:

Red

Favorite food you associate with Home:

My homemade French bread

Pet Peeve?

Rude sales clerks. Those who use “um” too much when talking. Loud talking on the cell phone.

What is something that no one knows about you? (that you want to tell the whole internet world)

I NEVER wear pink.

One word that describes you:

My word this year is Perspective. However a word to describe me would be something along the line of determined.

What’s your motto or mantra:

My favorite saying for several years is a quote by Booker T. Washington. “Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”

What are the top three things you that are most important to you — the things you love to do and you are passionate about?

Traveling with my family
Entertaining in my home for anyone and everyone
Last but not least studying the gospel of my religion and the religions of others.

Word of the Month ~ Home

Give us your definition of home:

Organized chaos. Loud and loving. Our New England “contemporary cape” is truly a place of refuge from the crazy world. Above our kitchen table I have a beautiful 6′ x 7″ sign that states: Love is Spoken Here. Our home is never empty and every Sunday my son will ask “who’s coming to dinner today?” We love having visitors and people are always dropping in. We love it.

Tell us a little bit about the home you live in now?

We are in Fairfield County of Connecticut. The southern most state in the New England states. We live on a little over an acre of land and have “the best sledding hill in the whole wide state!” A direct quote from our 10 year old son, Elijah. Our little town here is almost 20,000 people and mostly residential. One high school, one junior high school, one middle school and three very small elementary schools. With that being said, our community is fiercely close. A lot of our community commutes into the “city.” That being New York City. We are close to New York City and go there often for our major entertainment. However, living here in Connecticut is peaceful and quiet, and very, very safe.

Favorite room in your home?

My family room. That’s where the action is and family stories are told.

Favorite thing to do at home?

Entertain for the lively moments and read for the peaceful moments.

We know you’ve raised 5 children as a stay-at-home mom, what are the best parts about being home with them?

This is easy. Being home when my children walk through that front door and are the most chatty about their day and lives in general.

What’s the hardest part?

Trying to stay on top of where everyone needs to be, and when they need to be there.

What do you hope you have taught you children before they leave home?

A strong sense of independence and who they are. Children who are responsible and can make smart decisions. Children who have a strong testimony of a living Christ.

Tips for your newly married daughters and young moms on how to create a warm, comfortable home on a tight budget?

Stay away from the credit cards and remember that usually what will matter most in the years to come will be how much you love each other and the time spent with one another. Remember to shop wisely, budget wisely and have no secrets.

As your kids leave home, how has your home changed? Do you have more closet space? Do you miss their messes?

Our home has changed very little since my two older, now married, girls have left. Along with a daughter who left in August for college, we are down to a family of four here in our home. This past summer when I came home to THREE less daughters I walked around in a haze. Missing them so much and realizing that they will never be back here in the same way. Our home will never be the same. Plus, it was just so difficult to throw anything away that I ended up boxing it up and putting it right back into closets. Thus using up all my spare closet space I may have had to begin with. I think the one thing I have found that I do absolutely LOVE about my daughters leaving is that they return with incredibly awesome husbands. Who could ask for more?

Any tips for moms who are transitioning to that new empty nest phase?

Enjoy the time they are there but really rejoice in some much needed “change of space.” The kids coming home won’t mind that things are changed if you still give them a place to call their own. As long as it is known that whomever is in the home will still be expected to do the chores and that includes dog “doo doo duty.” Well, atleast in our family that’s how we did the change over. We told them when we dropped them off at college that we were taking over their rooms. Sprucing up a room with new paint, a thorough cleaning and in our case…new carpeting. I think our children know that to make things to comfortable would invite eventual contention. No “kid” wants to go away as an adult and come back to home rules. As long as we have younger kids in the home, our rules are still fairly strict about coming and going at all hours. Not to mention who is coming and going in our home. So, our older girls have always been expected to live by those guidelines. They understand that they have to set a pretty high bar as younger ones are watching and mom and dad do not need to try and explain away why did “so and so” get to have guys over at 2:00 AM and I can’t? (Does this make sense?)

How do you make your home a place your older kids want to come back to? Or do you want them to come back?

Well now that we have had our third daughter home for a semester, we try not to make it too darn comfortable as we want them to go and be productive. OUT in the world. However, they all know that should they ever need to come home for a period of time that they can do that too.

Share a life lesson learned about the importance of home, perhaps that you know now that you didn’t know when you were 18?

I think the one most defining thing I realized with life is that is too short to harbor bad feelings. That forgiveness is the true way to happiness. To love and serve the Lord unconditionally. I have been so happy that I made my mind up years ago to let bygones be bygones. To not allow petty differences to stand in my way of having happiness. I think too often we allow ourselves to be and stay hurt. To be over sensitive about something. To allow hard feelings to dictate how we treat others.

As a young college student, it did not take me long to realize that holding a grudge only hurt me and not so much the person I was “grudging” on! Clearly, making that my goal in life…to move past hard feelings, has been my ever ongoing quest for a happier life.

All of this has been such a tremendous part of who I am. I am always reminded of the story in The Miracle of Forgiveness (Author Spencer W. Kimball) about a man from Arizona, Martin Kempton and his family. Martin had gone with another deputy to seek out two WW1 deserters. Sadly, both Martin and the other deputy were ambushed and killed by the deserters. It was an awful time in Arizona history and Martin had left a large family. That “family” is my family. He is my great great uncle. The story has long been a family lesson on the beauty of forgiving. As you see, Martin not only left a large family but he left his wife with all these children in Arizona back when it was still not yet a state. The land was unforgiving and life was extremely difficult. Not once in all those years did anyone every hear his wife, my great great aunt complain or murmur against the men who took the life of her husband. She carried on with a strong faith in the Lord, knowing that to hold onto any hate would only destroy her. The children never heard their mother mutter under her breath about her horrible luck or lot in life. This has served as the most valuable of life’s little lessons as I have raised my own children to be forgiving and develop the ability to “move on!”.

To err is human, to forgive Divine.