Happiness Interview: Gretchen Rubin

Tuesday, November 11, 2008, by Leigh Anne & Sherra

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We will be interviewing women who inspire us, encourage us and renew our spirits. Women from diverse backgrounds…women just like you…women very different from you…women who share and teach so we can all learn something new. Their words may be just what you need to read today…

Leigh Anne and Sherra say…

We both subscribe to Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project blog and as we discussed our words for upcoming months and women we would like to know better and introduce you to – we simultaneously said “One of us should contact Gretchen Rubin for November!” This often happens to us which is why we are so happy that we are working together. We were equally delighted when Gretchen agreed to answer our questions and know you will enjoy getting to know her better through this interview…

I started out as a lawyer, and during law school was Editor-in-Chief of the YALE LAW JOURNAL. While I was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, I decided I really wanted to be a writer. Since then, I’ve written three books, including the bestselling FORTY WAYS TO LOOK AT WINSTON CHURCHILL. My next book, THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, is coming out with HarperCollins in late 2009. I also have a daily blog, The Happiness Project, www.happiness-project.com, where I post about my daily adventures as I try to be happier.

I live in New York City with my husband and two daughters, age 9 and 3.

First, a few personal fun facts and questions…

Favorite color:

Green

Favorite food you associate with Fall:

pumpkin pie

Pet Peeve?

Having my computer go on the blink.

What is something that no one knows about you? (that you want to tell the whole internet world)

That I just recently conquered the bad habit of eating brown sugar straight from the jar.

What’s your motto or mantra:

“Be Gretchen”

What are the top three things that are most important to you — the things you love to do and you are passionate about?

1. Spend time with my family and friends

2. Spend time reading and writing.

3. Finding creative projects to do.

Word of the Month ~ Happiness

Give us your definition of happiness:

Ah, I never define it! It’s just too tricky. As a law student, I spent a semester arguing about the definition of a “contract,” and I decided that for happiness, everyone can just use his or her own definition.

Tell us a little bit more about The Happiness Project. What was your inspiration for this idea?

I was sitting on a crowded bus one day, and I thought to myself, “What do I want from life?” and I thought, “Well, I want to be happy.” I realized I didn’t spend ANY time thinking about happiness. “I should have a Happiness Project,” I decided. So I did!

You challenge your readers to start their own Happiness Project. Tell us about that and how our readers can start one too? Yes! I think most people could feel the benefit of their own happiness project. First, you think about your life and identify what areas you want to work on (marriage, work, friends, etc.). Then you figure out concrete steps that will help you reach those goals. For example, you can’t wake up on Monday morning and “Strengthen your friendships.” But you can “Remember birthdays,” “Join or start a group,” and “Show up.” Once you have your resolutions, put them in a chart so that you can score yourself each day. If anyone would like to look at my Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, they can just email me at grubin(at)gretchenrubin(dot)com, and I’ll send a copy.

Certainly, no one can be happy all the time, can they? How do you deal with unhappiness?

I tackle unhappiness by going through my checklist: also, I go to sleep early, exercise, make time for fun, spend time with my family and friends, distract myself with a beloved children’s book or a funny movie, work at my desk…repeat. Even if I still feel unhappy, I’ve had a good bad day.

What are the most important things that may actually not be “things” that bring you happiness?

The most important thing for happiness is to have strong social bonds with other people. Anything you do to strengthen your relationships will boost your happiness.

Share with us some things that make you smile and put a little extra joy in your day?

Ordering books on-line always gives me a kick – then I get another kick when they actually arrive. I just got a new fabulous blender and I’m thrilled with it, every time I make a smoothie (which I do every day). I’m working on a photo project with one of my good friends – we dress up our kids in costume and stage elaborate photos, so much fun!

As a lawyer, author and well-known blogger, what is your best advice for women who are searching for more happiness in their life?

Pick your battles. My adorable three-year-old wears ugly outfits to school each day, because she loves to put them together herself and will stubbornly insist on her combinations. I used to argue with her – then I realized, This doesn’t matter! She loves what she’s wearing, it’s appropriate – this isn’t a fight I need to have. Holding on to what really matters, letting go of the inessential, has made me a lot happier.

We love one of the questions you use in your interviews on your blog so much that we’ve adapted it for our interviews. We thought it would be fun if you would answer your own question…

Share a life lesson learned about happiness, something, perhaps that you know now that you didn’t know when you were 18?

Authenticity is more important than legitimacy – meaning, it’s more important to do what I love than to do what I think other people find important or impressive.